The Real Reason You Never Feel Like You’ve Done Enough —And What to Do About It
Why does it feel like no matter what you achieve, it’s never enough? How often do you find yourself measuring progress against some “ideal” version of you?
This happens because we’re chasing an aspirational version of ourselves—one that changes as we evolve and always seems just out of reach. This concept is often referred to as The Gap and the Gain.
What is The Gap and The Gain?
The gap and the gain stemmed from Dan Sullivan and Dr. Benjamin Hardy’s book The Gap and the Gain.
The gap refers to how we compare ourselves to our ideal, ultimately making us feel less than and in the “gap”. Whereas, the gain refers to comparing ourselves to our past selves, resulting in a ‘gain’ because we are always seeing progress.
Makes sense, right? How often do we meet our external goals and accomplishments and yet never feel like it is enough?
What if we flipped the script? What if we always measured ourselves based on how far we have come?
Now, some of you may be wondering - will I not get achievements this way? Will I not set goals?
No, quite the opposite. You’ll still set goals and have aspirations—it’s just that you measure success by how far you’ve come. Focusing on progress this way often leads to even greater achievements.
3 Easy Exercises to Change Your Mindset
#1: Always Measure Backwards (AMD)
Instead of focusing on how far you still have to go, look at how far you’ve come. Reflecting on your progress builds confidence, reminds you of your growth, and helps you stay motivated moving forward.
#2: Mental Subtraction
Imagine your life without something good you currently have—like a relationship, opportunity, or lesson learned. How does that feel? This exercise quickly helps you feel gratitude for everything going well in your life.
#3: What If Everything You Complained About Was Gone?
What if everything you complain about—your job, your spouse, your kids—suddenly vanished? This simple question can shift your perspective from frustration to gratitude, helping you appreciate what you have instead of resenting it.
Easy Reflection Questions for Ongoing Growth
Reflecting on our past selves is one of the simplest ways to recognize how far we’ve come. Remember when your biggest dream was just to land a job? Or earn a certain salary? Meet the right partner? To purchase a home?
We often forget how much we’ve accomplished over the years because we’re so focused on what’s next. Taking time to look back not only highlights our progress but also reminds us that growth is ongoing—and worth celebrating.
10 Year Reflection Questions:
Where were you in life—personally and professionally?
What struggles or challenges did you face back then that you’ve since overcome?
What achievements from the past decade are you most proud of?
1 Year Reflection Questions:
Where were you a year ago, and what were you focused on?
What were your biggest personal or professional wins this past year?
How are you different today than you were 12 months ago?
Ready to shift out of the gap and into the gain? Check out our full set of Gain Reflection Questions.
Want to continue on your own growth journey? Or perhaps want to help change the mindset of your organization? ✨ Schedule a free Discovery Call today and learn how our coaching and leadership development training can empower you to lead with purpose.
Stephanie Bidle
Stephanie is the founder of the The Simplicity Secret, a leadership development, speaking, and coaching business. Passionate about personal development, organization, and life optimization, she thrives on helping individuals unlock their potential and achieve their dreams. During her downtime, she can often be found on the porch, enjoying a cup of tea and reading a book.
